This is a masterpiece, I’m still in stitches when I read it!

Well, i’ve been cheating. See, back in tenth grade, i messed around a bit with this chick, her name was Red Hat Linux. We met in school in my networking 5 class, and i got to know her pretty well. I was all up in her terminal, if you know what i mean :P. Well, I took her home, and we had a really rough one night stand. I decided she wsn’t for me, and i went back to you, because i knew what i was missing. Well, Red Hat has a south african cousin, and her name’s Ubuntu…she’s kinda hot, too. SHe’s got three cousins, Xubuntu, Edubuntu, and Kubuntu, too, and their all sexy.

Well, I guess this letter is to let you know that it’s over. I’m not going back, either. You can tempt me with your games, and all the software, but it’s alright. I can get to know ubuntu, i can learn to work her terminals. Her freeware. Her internet support. After all, what can i say…she’s sexy, fast, and free. ANd you’re expensive, bloated, and well, always sick with viruses. I’m done.

I know, i know. I freaked out and formatted you off my hard drive, and then i called you begging and pleading to take me back, and we had angry make up sex. But what was i thinking? I remembered all the bad times we had, and i called Ubuntu up and she understood me just fine. Before I knew it, we were hitting it off again. She installed really quickly, and didn’t even need any drivers or anything. Worked beautifully. And did i remind you she’s free?

Read the entire ‘letter’ here.